Staying positive and hopeful while grieving sounds like an impossible thing to do while you are in what I call the grieving world, a different one from the one you have to live in. When I lost my sister it devastated me. I loved her so much the only feeling I couldn’t shake was anger. I had to make peace with God, I had to know she was really ok, I had to know where she was. Because she died within a few months after her 40th birthday I was in shock. Trying to live with it while taking care of my son who was just a baby was nearly impossible I felt like I had to claw my way out of it. The only thing I could do was to fulfill my responsibilities etc. was to read.
Every time I had a free moment that I would have been focused on her death I picked up a book. I joined a book club so I had plenty to read, it helped greatly to keep my mind off it, but don’t ask me now what books I read. I was being gentle with myself, she loved to read and it kept a connection with her which I needed.
But, the anger I couldn’t and needed to let go of for my own health. So I had to go Mano a Mano with God. I needed the quiet environment where I could. I went on a spiritual retreat. I really didn’t expect much, to my surprise I had an experience of her. I felt her there and she was the happiest I could have ever imagined but I also felt some of that had to do with me..
I had to stop being angry and start doing what she wanted for me and that was for me to be happy. So I started doing things that would make her happy, the things that made me happy. I made it my purpose and continue to do so. She comes in my dreams sometimes when I am in emotional pain because things seem to be going completely wrong. It is then she shows up and I know I will get through it. I may not know how but I keep the faith and I know I will get through it and every time I have.
This is what I did and I find it fool proof. I gathered some things that you can do to help when the undertow of grief takes over. I put them in the next post.
